Wednesday, December 1

Bachelorette Party: James Weir recaps Episode 4 | Brooke sledding with ex-celebrities

Brooke has had the final say on two of her famous breakups, casting multiple stealthy sleds into the air. James Weir recaps.

Bachelorette party Brooke does what many of us dream of doing when she hits the airwaves on Thursday night and sleds her famous exes.

It is the best way to have the last word. Genius. Still, if you talked your ex off on a reality show but no one in Australia is tuning in to hear it, does that mean you won the breakup?

The ratings for this current series from the Channel 10 franchise suck. Only 253,000 subway viewers tuned in to Wednesday’s linear broadcast. More people viewed America has talent at Seven later in the evening.

JAMES WEIR SUMMARY: Read all summaries here

And it’s not that Brooke isn’t trying. She is working overtime to make this season enjoyable for us. She even endures a fake kiss tonight, simply for our personal entertainment.

In more positive news, this episode gives us a catchphrase for reality TV history books: “My stomach dropped.” We love silver lights.

It’s time for the first sled of the night. Sorry, quote. It’s time for the first date of the night. Which also starts with a sled.

Brooke arrives at the mansion on a motorcycle to pick up Konrad for her date.

“Umm, yeah, I’ve been on the back of a bike before … on my latest season, ”she muses, in a distinctly dissatisfied tone, as sepia-tinted flashbacks of her riding a Harley with the Honey Badger are played back in the doomed-since-early 2018 series of The Bachelor. “… This will be much better.”

And just to make sure we are aware of how bitter the memory is, he grimaces.

But this motorcycle appointment will be different. And Konrad Khan barely kontain himself.

“Normally I would go for an alpha,” Brooke tells us about the kinds of guys she’s usually attracted to.

Hey, hey, wait. Just because Konrad has frosted tips from a Clairol kit at home, and possesses a level of devotion to Shania Twain’s leopard print, doesn’t mean he’s not an alpha.

The appointment is at a luxurious day spa. They chat, do their nails and talk about boys. It’s hot.

The whole day is really enjoyable and they enjoy some really meaningful discussions. But there is a problem. A big one. They make the clay mask from scratch, then the producers make them sit for the rest of the spa treatment. AND do your post-date interviews with your clay masks still on, clearly breaking the recommended 10-minute application duration stipulated on the label. We observe in real time how the clay forms a completely dry concrete layer on their faces, dehydrating every pore every second.

After the producers hire a jackhammer to free their heads, Brooke gives Konrad a rose. And if it doesn’t end in the last two with Holly, we will rebel.

High school It has always been an intellectual narrative that incorporates subtle metaphors and symbolism. Tonight, when Osher invents a new game and has all the contestants untangle meters of fairy lights, it serves as a powerful image. This entire television franchise is a tangled ball of old dusty Christmas lights and we, the viewers, have the tedious task of undoing the hellish knot.

But we are not the only ones tortured. Brooke too. With unsuccessful kisses.

She grants a girl named Carissa some alone time and it results in a meh pash.

“I feel … confused,” Brooke tells us. “Because I felt a very strong connection to her at first. I didn’t really feel that in the kiss. “

He can’t even hide how much the kiss sucks and he keeps grimacing.

At the cocktail party, when Osher jogs across the lawn, jingling his white gold statement ring in one of the tacky red champagne flutes, we stand to our feet and pray he’s about to deliver bad news.

“Osher walks into the cocktail … oh shit … my stomach is popping out of my ass,” Holly later recalls the moment in vivid detail.

Some intruders enter and all are forgettable. But we look at the screen for a second when one of them asks Brooke what she hopes to get out of her time on the show this time, compared to her turn on The Bachelor with the Honey Badger and then Single in paradise.

“Um. The greatest for me is someone who is … consistent … Someone who really wants to fall in love, ”he says, pointedly, before muttering aside. “I feel like I missed that one.”

Ka-ching! Second sled of the night! And this time it’s a one-two punch: marking Honey Badger and Alex Nation, who had a failed affair with Brooke at the Beep Island.

With four intruders unleashed on the mansion, Osher announces that there will also be a massive sacrifice at the rose ceremony. Four people will be abandoned.

Of course, because it’s only week two, we’re still in that period of the series where we don’t really care about most of the contestants or know their names. So when these four people get kicked, we don’t feel any emotion. Well that’s a lie. We know that one of them is Jess, better known as The Chair Thief.

Take that, the chair thief! You will never sit in this city again.

Twitter, Facebook: @hellojamesweir

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